Baby Boys

I think it is fair to say I am fairly girly. I am not one of those girls who feel more comfortable around guys. I am not a tomboy and truthfully enjoy spending time with girls. That coupled with the fact that I am close to my mother made me always know I wanted a little girl. I was thrilled when we found out Saffryn was a girl. I imagined all the things we will get to do throughout her life time. I still imagine and look forward to all that lay ahead of us: prom dress shopping, spa days, wedding dress shopping, phone calls, special drink dates to name a few. I know right now I am a mother role but I pray so hard that she will always want my companionship and that we will be close her whole lifetime. My mom was the first one I called when I got engaged. She was there at my first birth. I still call her to talk through different things. I hope that's how it is for Saffryn and I. She is such a special girl!

When we found out I was having a boy when I was pregnant with Pierce we were so excited! Yay!!! Now one of each! Everyone said, "Dan must be so excited!" of course he was...boys and their dads...easy for me to picture! Then as my pregnancy continued on my panic started. I remember asking Dan, "What do I do with a boy??? Will I bond with him? What is my role?" I was looking forward to meeting him, but truthfully did not know what to expect with a son. I don't have any brothers and am only close to one of my male cousins. I saw my friends have sons and of course i love them...but me having a boy...what would it be like?

I finally went into labor and waited 15 hours for him to come into this world. I remember the second I heard his scream my heart forever changed. He was perfect. Dan and I could not stop talking about how CUTE we thought he was! It sounds so silly but I didn't know my son would be so precious to me.

As the hours turned into weeks our bond intensified. I held him constantly. I nursed him all the time. I loved every single second. He only wanted his momma and I was ok with that! There is such a special bond between a momma and her baby boy.

I have been reflecting on why and I think it is because it only lasts a short time. Of course guys can be close to their mothers and under special circumstances have a very close bond. But usually boys grow up and want to talk to their dads and their friends. They become interested in girls. They slowly learn to let go of their mother's so they can one day break off and lead their own families.

It is a very normal and God given desire for them. I think subconsciously us mothers know that. Which is why we have a special bond with our baby boys. But I want Pierce to be a man one day. I want him to have a wife he desperately loves. I want him to be a strong man with strong convictions. And in order for that to happen I will have to let go. I will have to remember he still loves me and I have a special place, but he needs to make decisions independent of me. I will have to respect his wife and know that she is the first woman in his life.

BUT NOT YET!!! I will rock him to sleep every night if he wants. I will let him prefer only me. I will try and cherish every hug and kiss and whiny clingy behavior. Because it is only for a short time. I love this "momma's boy" time!

What a journey motherhood has been! It has been full of surprises. I am learning so many new things. I am excited to see how my role with my sons and daughter will change as they grow up. I love that God gives us such special times with our children. I love that Dan gets the chance to show Saffryn how a man is supposed to treat her. I love that I get the chance to show Pierce how to treat woman.

I am not sure if this is making any sense. And maybe you don't agree with this at all. That's ok too! Basically all my hormonal ramblings are trying to come to this conclusion: baby boys are so precious. I was not sure what to expect but I sure love having a boy and look forward to welcoming another!

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