I love those pregnant woman who are just glowing. Who love being pregnant. They rejoice at every movement, squirm and hiccup they feel from within. They love their changing body and feel great. They love the 9 months they get to bond in such a unique and special way with their child. They somehow ignore the usual pregnancy complaints and focus on the miracle growing within. They patiently wait for their child to come into the world when they are ready...even if that means waiting a week or more after their due date. I really do love those woman and admire them greatly.
But I need to face the facts...I am not one of those woman. And I feel so guilty about it. I really do not enjoy being pregnant. In fact I seem to dislike it more the second time around. I complain, complain and do some more complaining (sorry friends, family and husband I am sure it's getting old). What do I complain about: waking up every hour to use the bathroom or change positions, the constant back pain, the heartburn, the stretch marks, my constant fatigue...the list goes on. I do not enjoy my changing body. I feel like its limiting me. I don't feel that great emotionally either...my hormones make me so moody and honestly I just don't feel like my happy self. And on top of that I am the MOST impatient person you might ever meet and I just want to be with my baby! I hate waiting around...
Now don't get me wrong. I love what pregnancy brings. I know what a miracle it is to be pregnant and my child growing inside of me. I know I am truly blessed! Being a mother is the most amazing thing ever. I LOVE my children, even the one growing inside me. But I just cant seem to enjoy the process of them getting here. I promise I keep trying to enjoy it....
I had a doctors apt today and everything looks good. He is still measuring a bit ahead of schedule, but my blood work all came back really well, so it looks like he is just a big boy. My doctor also said we can talk about inducing at 39 weeks if I want to do that. I am wrestling with that decision so much right now. I got induced with Saffryn at 39 1/2 weeks and it went super smoothly. My doctor didn't and doesn't want me going too far past my due date b/c of my high likely hood of blood clotting (remember Factor V Leiden???). But she will let me go further than 39 if I want to. But I really don't want to. I am SO ready to be done. Does that make me a terrible mother???? I feel like a horrible mom. I should be enjoying this process. What is wrong with me???
Anyway. Not too sure why I am sharing this. Just being honest I guess. I'm hoping the "I love pregnancy moms" will forgive me for my horrible attitude about pregnancy. I am also hoping there are other moms out there who feel similarly. Please don't judge me too harshly about deciding to be induced at 39 weeks and not just waiting for him to come on his own.....
Sorry for the downer post. I'll post more on what my sweet Saffryn has been up to soon. Those are much more fun than my pity parties :-)
Tylie I am with you!!! You said it so perfectly, you feel guilty and it makes me feel so bad for even murmuring a complaint esp with the women who cannot get preggo and are trying so hard, but for me being preggo is not fun!! I have a lot of health issues that come up with being preggo and to be honest I have a full time job trying to stay on top of my health so baby comes out healthy!
ReplyDeleteI too struggle with it all and hoe my body can handle a third maybe fourth round of pregnancy but the doc said we will take it day by day.
I'll be praying for you and it all along side my requests.
I must reply to this because I also felt the same way and you should know you are NOT alone!!! And it does not make you a less wonderful person or mother by any means! For me pregnancy felt very out of body, I never felt myself. But having a baby in my arms brings me right back to where I want to be a full body experience-not just some distant observer. So hold tight, soon you will be smelling, touching, feeling, hearing, and seeing up close your sweet baby boy! (HUGS)
ReplyDeleteI am Melissa's sister and check on your blog from time to time. Anyways, I absolutely loathe pregnancy. I even struggle with fertility, so you would think being pregnant would just bring me joy. NOPE! Don't feel guilty I think more women hate it than like it. Sadly, I mean forgoing adoption it is the only way we can get the end result we want...a baby. That is why now that I have my girl and boy I am D-O-N-E! Shoot Micah should count his blessings he is even hear, because I wanted to be done after Lo. :) Good luck with your decision about induction. It is a tough one. You always have right up until the last minute to decide. You never know this baby may just come early on their own. :)
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